When You’re Lonely In Marriage
The rain has been coming down steadily since the beginning of fall, about four weeks now. The road appeared lonely to her, only the occasional headlights shine their foggy glare across the street. As quickly as the moving lights come, they fade away leaving only that tall and steady light above her head. The covered bus stop that Claire sat at was just as isolated as the road a few feet from the bench she was sitting on.
She sat there without a destination in mind. It was just as well because the last bus for the day ran close to forty minutes ago. Her makeup ran down her puffy face. If anyone asked about it she would lie and blame it on the rain that was coming down. It would be an obvious lie to anyone paying attention, her eyes were red from the amount of tears that she had shed. But she didn’t need to lie, for no one would care. No one was there.
She hadn’t seen anyone all night, not even her own husband had come home. He probably didn’t know where she was, she hadn’t heard from him all day. Not even a single text had come across her phone. Deep in her heart she knew he was faithful, he would tell her he was busy at work, she would pray it was true. Yet, even though she knew he was a good man she couldn’t help but feel alone. Still the lack of communication with him had lead her mind to wander astray with thoughts that led to the very tears running down past her cheek. She wiped at them with her coat sleeve.
Did he even know where she was? Would he even care if she just ran away and never came back? As Clair looked across the empty street all she felt was isolation and depression.
Have you ever felt like Claire? Alone.
In the story above we found out that she worried her husband didn’t care about her because she hadn’t heard from him all day. In her best efforts to make herself feel better she got dressed and left. Yet, all she did was walk to a bus stop a few blocks from her house at night. She didn’t reach out to her husband or even to a friend. She was lonely and yet continued the journey by herself.
There are many reasons we may feel alone in our marriage at times. Perhaps our husbands are just busy with work and don’t take the time to send even a simple text. Maybe they have become closer to someone else. Perhaps they are deployed. Maybe you no longer have common interest in the same things as life and old age drifts you apart.
Here are five things to consider when you are lonely in your marriage
Talk To Your Husband
It could just be as simple as he doesn’t know you are lonely. Let him know. If there is something deeper going on it may come to light with conversation between one another. Be sure to listen before you judge or accuse him. Tell him how you feel alone and ask him if he feels the same. Explain to him what it is that you makes you feel alone and perhaps even offer a few suggestions that you feel would help the situation.Talk To Your Husband
Seek A Friend
When Claire from our story above wasn’t able to meet her husband at work she didn’t run to the help of a friend but rather ran away. Had she had a friend in her life perhaps she would not have felt lonely in the first place. Having relationships with other adults, apart from your spouse is very important. Those relationships aren’t to replace the one that you have with your husband but they are meant to bring laughter and fun to your life in other ways. If you don’t have any friends, perhaps you have moved to a new area or are just no longer close to anyone try looking for a group on meetup.com
Talk To The Lord
There were so many moments in Claire’s night where she could have sought comfort from the Lord but instead she sunk deeper into depression. Sadness, loneliness and depression are topics that you shouldn’t be ashamed of. Nor is it something that is too taboo to talk to God about. Let him know that you are lonely. Even David, a man after God’s own heart cried out to God in just pure sadness and asked him for help so that He could see the goodness in life again. If you think you are facing something more than just loneliness please feel comfortable enough to seek council from your local doctor. It’s okay.
Create New Interest
Sometimes you just need to spend time doing something you love in order to not feel as lonely. This can be something with a group of people, something with your spouse or something you just do by yourself. If you are only lonely in your marriage consider finding a hobby that both you and your spouse can enjoy together. Perhaps something as simple as bowling or working in the yard together.
Often times the loneliness that a spouse experiences in marriage can be solved by the four steps above but sometimes the root is just too deep for the couple to work through on their own. This is a great time for marriage counseling. Reach out to your local church if you don’t think that you can afford marriage counseling through a certified therapist. It’s normal for one spouse to not want to attend marriage sessions. Don’t get discouraged. Instead encourage your spouse, even couples who don’t have so called issues attend these sessions just to keep the spark alive.
Are you looking for a new devotional?
Beauty & The Broken by Lauren Buckner is a life changing devotional that deals with many of life’s toughest issues.