When your husband isn’t the leader the way you want him to be your entire life can feel out of whack. You might even begin to feel that you are caring for an additional child. That’s truly a difficult place for a woman to be, especially if that woman is a go getter but it’s more that simply difficult, it’s dangerous.
Why this dangerous?
The added responsibility can lead to bitterness and resent. Soon you may feel distant from your husband. You may begin to focus on the things he has left you to do alone, since he obviously isn’t enough of a leader to do them without being asked. Soon, you may stop asking and before long the bond of communication is broken altogether.
So many of you have been asking me questions on this topic. The lack of leadership in the role of your husbands. Dr. James Dobson knew this epidemic would soon be among us when he wrote the book, Bringing Up Boys. Dr. Dobson describes in his book the hurt that would follow due to the influence of feminist ideology and the switching of male and female roles. One major consequence he stated we would see is this role of leadership in the home.husband.
Let me be clear for a moment, wives you were not designed for this role. Your husband was.
What solution is needed when the husband isn’t the leader you desire him to be?
I had been praying on this topic and thought I knew the answer but wanted to be sure, so I asked me husband this same question, I desired to hear a man’s point of view. His words were the exact words that had come to my mind but it’s his answer I will share with you.
From the husband’s point of view
“Let me ask you,” I said to my husband, “what would make a married man not want to be the leader of a family, why do you think he would not want to lead his wife?”
He stood there puzzled for a bit before I assured him this question was not geared towards him and then he answered “Maybe the problem isn’t that the husband won’t lead, maybe the problem is the wife won’t follow.”
Ladies, I know that answer may hurt but ask yourselves, are you willing to follow or do you want to lead?
We’ve taken phrases like “you can be anything” or verses like “I can do all things” and we’ve twisted them until the meanings and beauty have become lost. You do have options, you do have a choice. But what will you choose?
“Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the church.” Ephesians 5:22-23
That section of scripture goes on to say that the marriage is designed to be an example of the love that God has for us and that the husband is designed to be an example of the Lord. If we overstep that boundary and place ourselves in a higher rank then our husbands we are no better than Lucifer himself. We should not strive to be as the husband but rather as the helper.
“The Lord God said, “it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18
You are a helper. It’s who you are. You want to help, I’m sure that you do but maybe you also want him and that’s okay too. Because God didn’t design you to do your husband’s job and when you try to you will become overwhelmed, frustrated, frazzled.
Let’s stop there. I am not saying that a woman can’t hold a job, have a successful career or work outside the home. She can. Additionally, that can be God’s will for her. There are many women in the Bible praised for just that. The thing is, are you helping your husband? Each man will have different needs. Some may need help with added income, others may need with the laundry. Some may need help with a warm home cooked meal. Others may need help with the children.
Some may only desire that you respect them.
Monday Marriage Challenge:
Ask God to forgive you for any unloving feelings you may have developed towards your husband.
Surrender the need to be the leader.
Submit to your husband, ask him what it is that he needs help with.
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